My Jack Jack is 5 today….. FIVE!! He was supposed to be my baby, my last, my finale. We tried for over a year to get pregnant with him. I remember month after month after month of frustration and meltdowns. People would say, “At least you have a boy and a girl already,” “why tempt fate when you have two healthy children,” blah, blah, blah. I wanted needed another baby to complete my family. I was going to get to stay home with him (I worked 2,3, sometimes 4 jobs when Max and Emily were little) and experience every milestone that I missed with the others. My baby….
Now he’s five…. and he’s not my baby, my last as I had planned. I cannot and do not want to ever fathom my life without Finley, but I feel that I have let my Jack down by not having enough time, energy, or emotion for him when he needs it. He is my most demanding child and I become frustrated with him easily at times…. GUILT!! I can’t help but think that I wouldn’t get so frustrated if he would have been the baby. I know God’s plan is perfect and my family of six is the way it is supposed to be!!
Please don’t misunderstand this post… I LOVE EVERY ONE OF MY CHILDREN irrevocably, unconditionally, and enduringly (just to name a few). Sometimes, as a mom, I just feel inadequate to meet their needs, wants, and dreams in life. Sigh….
1 comments:
Haha, I could have written this! I always feel so bad writing about how sometimes my daughter gets on my nerves... I literally could not love her more, nor could I be more thankful for her... But sometimes she makes me want to scream. So glad that a Mom of four still has these issues! Haha.
Thank you for the nice comment on my blog as well, I really needed it today!
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